The Paris-Roubaix Cocktail


Illustration: Tram Nguyen


Lucy was in town the other weekend,which obviously made it the best two days of my life. To prepare for her impending arrival, I made plans to buy fresh flowers, stock the fridge with tasty snacks, and scrub my apartment until it was absolutely spotless. After a few minutes of sweeping up the dust bunnies behind the fridge, I thought to myself, “This is hard and boring.” So I stopped and decided I’d have no choice but to use my body as a physical barrier between the kitchen wall and Lucy if she ever felt the inclination to move the fridge. The best I could manage was a clean towel and letting the Roomba take a single lap around my living room.

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